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Marya gave me a disbelieving look before she added, "I want you to knowI'll accept you when you're ready." I don't know what you're talking about," I said with a shake of myhead."There is something in your soul, I don't think you understand", shereplied.I bit my tongue rather than object to her comment. I wanted to protesther assumption that she knew something more about what was in me than Idid, but I was growing too tired and confused by everyone's conclusionsabout me to put up a fuss.I shook my head as I tried to change the subject and asked, "So, howare you liking your classes this semester?" Please, I can't wait for it to be over!" Oh, you'll be fine, dear," I said before pausing again as I realizedhow effeminate my response, which had long ago become engrained in me,was when I really thought about it."I know I'll do good, but I just hate the struggle." What's the struggle? You're one of those girls that's pretty andsmart, what more do you need?"Marya laughed before she said,. I've gone out hundreds of times asfriends and as part of a group of girls. When I was younger the nicestworst compliment I ever had was when a friend's mother told me she didn'tworry when her daughter went out with me. She told me how nice I was andhow safe she felt about me being with her daughter that she could stayout an extra hour later when she was with me. There is an ego boosterand killer all at the same time. I mean, you have to say "thank you Mrs.Smith." When you're a 20 year old guy, you don't want to be consideredsafe with someone's daughter, it's just not the right kind of confidencebooster. The girl just laughed and agreed with her mom about how nice Iwas. I did date a little bit here and there, but I always felt awkward andclumsy. I found it hard to go in for the kiss. For whatever reason,hugging came as naturally as breathing. Kissing was weird for somereason. Since I'm being honest I should admit that all physical contactof a more intimate nature came hard.
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